FUNVERSE

A bus driver once got the chop,
For driving, but failing to stop.
He said on his bus,
He wanted no fuss,
And so wouldn't pick up or drop.

My bank account's always in red,
The manager rang me and said,
That he wouldn't mind,
If I'd be so kind,
As to let them have my cash instead

The top lion tamer, Claude Balls,
Was recently banned from the Halls.
The reason for that.
His most fearsome cat,
Bit lumps off the folks in the stalls.

My PC's a wonderful thing,
The hours of fun it can bring.
I can surf on the net,
Without getting wet,
Then email the Queen and the King

I couldn't decide what to do,
Regarding the hole in my shoe.
So I threw both away,
At the end of the day,
No point keeping one of the two.

I once knew a girl with a chest,
Where one pointed East, and one West.
The problem she had,
When squeezing a lad,
Was keeping them inside her vest.

I never can fathom out why.
Some people in cinemas cry.
Is emotion the key,
Or might it just be
The price if the ice cream they buy?

A famous conductor called Walls,
One night in the orchestra stalls,
Was taking applause,
When down fell his drawers,
And everyone saw both his........legs

Of opera I can't get the hang.
I went there, along with a gang.
When things became hot,
The hero got shot,
But he didn't die, he just sang.

Each weekend, in rain, hail, or snow,
The car boot is where we all go.
We're there before nine,
To be first in line
For the pre-stolen bargains on show.