FUNVERSE

SMALL PAUL

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:25:58 +0200

A very small fellow named Paul,
Was trying so hard to be tall.
He wanted to grow,
Cos after some snow,
You never could find Paul at all.

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THE CRICKETING CENTIPEDE

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:21:57 +0200

A centipede went in to bat,
First ball he got out, what a pratt.
Given out leg before,
Leg before, leg before,
Leg before, leg before, so howsthat!!!

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OBITUARIES

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 12:47:49 +0200

My paper I read, come what may.
To find out just who's passed away.
If I'm not inside
The list of who's died,
I rise, and get on with my day.

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TAXATION

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 12:44:12 +0200

Each April my tax bill arrives,
Which hardly induces high fives.
This annual "guess"
Brings headache and stress,
As only the richest survive.

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THE KANGAROO

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 12:42:51 +0200

A kangaroo hopped out of bed,
And hopped off to school, where the Head,
Said "I'm hopping mad,
So stop hopping lad,
Start working, or hop it instead"

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LOS ANGELES

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 14:16:05 +0200

L A has no hint of design.
Its seventeen cities combine,
In vast urban sprawl,
On Freeways you crawl,
To nowhere, in one endless line

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TAXATION

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 14:13:44 +0200

The tax man demanda all his dues.
You cant pay, so interest accrues.
Though often he's wrong,
If you don't sing his song,
He gets really nasty, and sues.

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THE EARTH

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 09:06:27 +0200

We live on a fast spinning ball,
With gravity holding us all.
One day, should it stop,
Then off we'd all drop,
With nobody left here at all

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LAS VEGAS

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 09:03:42 +0200

I went to Las Vegas with cash.
Enough for a bit of a bash.
Roulette went all wrong,
The Dice weren't on song,
And made a big hole in my stash.

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LAP DANCER

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:15:44 +0100

A busty lap dancer named Jill,
Would dance quite demurely, until,
She heard her applause,
Then off came her drawers
To give all the punters a thrill

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THE BUS DRIVER

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:13:35 +0100

A bus driver once got the chop,
For driving, but failing to stop.
He said on his bus,
He wanted no fuss,
And so wouldn't pick up or drop.

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BANKING PROBLEM

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:42:52 +0100

My bank account's always in red,
The manager rang me and said,
That he wouldn't mind,
If I'd be so kind,
As to let them have my cash instead

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THE LION TAMER

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:39:18 +0100

The top lion tamer, Claude Balls,
Was recently banned from the Halls.
The reason for that.
His most fearsome cat,
Bit lumps off the folks in the stalls.

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MY PC

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 10:42:11 +0100

My PC's a wonderful thing,
The hours of fun it can bring.
I can surf on the net,
Without getting wet,
Then email the Queen and the King

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THE HOLY SHOE

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 10:39:59 +0100

I couldn't decide what to do,
Regarding the hole in my shoe.
So I threw both away,
At the end of the day,
No point keeping one of the two.

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AN AWKWARD CHEST

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 14:52:39 +0100

I once knew a girl with a chest,
Where one pointed East, and one West.
The problem she had,
When squeezing a lad,
Was keeping them inside her vest.

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EMOTION AT THE CINEMA

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 14:50:31 +0100

I never can fathom out why.
Some people in cinemas cry.
Is emotion the key,
Or might it just be
The price if the ice cream they buy?

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THE EMBARRASED CONDUCTOR

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 15:07:43 +0100

A famous conductor called Walls,
One night in the orchestra stalls,
Was taking applause,
When down fell his drawers,
And everyone saw both his........legs

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OPERA

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 15:03:12 +0100

Of opera I can't get the hang.
I went there, along with a gang.
When things became hot,
The hero got shot,
But he didn't die, he just sang.

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CAR BOOT

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 12:23:37 +0100

Each weekend, in rain, hail, or snow,
The car boot is where we all go.
We're there before nine,
To be first in line
For the pre-stolen bargains on show.

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NUTTY PROFESSOR

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 12:21:03 +0100

A nutty professor named Fred,
On rising each day from his bed,
And shaking a leg,
Would first kiss his egg,
And then tap his wife on the head.

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THE TALLEST GIRAFFE

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 13:40:31 +0100

The tallest giraffe in the herd,
Did something completely absurd.
He lifted his head,
On leaving his bed,
Then yawned, and so swallowed a bird

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NO RHYME

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 13:37:09 +0100

I'm having a terrible time,
Can't seem to get Limericks to rhyme.
I always get through
On lines two and one,
But then the whole thing falls apart.

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MEN ONLY

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 09:36:23 +0100

A party I held at my house.
Under suffrance each male brought his spouse.
Most wanted to be
Fellas only,you see,
And it was when I set loose a mouse.

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MY MARATHON

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 09:31:44 +0100

I ran in a Marathon race.
(They needed someone for last place)
It started off bad,
Went downhill to sad,
And ended in abject disgrace.

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TOMMYS MONSTER

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 13:59:55 +0100

There once was a monster named Fred,
Who lived under young Tommys bed.
For years he lived there,
Midst dust,fluff and hair,
Till one day, young Tom, found him dead.

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STAN THE STUD

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 13:57:40 +0100

A really remarkable man,
Is tall dark and hansome young Stan.
Ten women each day,
He has, come what may,
And ten more each night, cos he can!!!

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MOON HOLIDAYS

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 09:46:18 +0100

The holiday brochures, quite soon,
Will offer us trips to the Moon.
And hotels up there,
Will need to prepare,
For lager louts coming in June

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MY HEART

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 08:48:14 +0100

I need a quick word with the Doc.
My heart shouild be going tick tock.
It's going tock tick,
A good deal too quick,
So maybe I've swallowed a clock.

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AUSTRALIA

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 08:46:04 +0100

Australia's a wonderful place.
Or so say the Antipode race.
But if that's a fact,
How come it's not packed,
And there's so much available space?

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