FUNVERSEhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/en-EUhourly82000-01-01T12:00+00:00FUNVERSEhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/00/5ed69f9b98bdcf18f6663dcc4ae5c6_160x200.jpgSMALL PAULhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/29/small-paul-4109762/2008-04-29T13:25:58+02:00 <p>A very small fellow named Paul,<br>
Was trying so hard to be tall.<br>
He wanted to grow,<br>
Cos after some snow,<br>
You never could find Paul at all.
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/29/small-paul-4109762/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>A very small fellow named Paul,
Was trying so hard to be tall.
He wanted to grow,
Cos after some snow,
You never could find Paul at all.
]]>THE CRICKETING CENTIPEDEhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/29/the-cricketing-centipede-4109730/2008-04-29T13:21:57+02:00 <p>A centipede went in to bat,<br>
First ball he got out, what a pratt.<br>
Given out leg before,<br>
Leg before, leg before,<br>
Leg before, leg before, so howsthat!!!</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/29/the-cricketing-centipede-4109730/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>A centipede went in to bat,
First ball he got out, what a pratt.
Given out leg before,
Leg before, leg before,
Leg before, leg before, so howsthat!!!
]]>OBITUARIEShttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/24/obituaries-4087809/2008-04-24T12:47:49+02:00 <p>My paper I read, come what may.<br>
To find out just who's passed away.<br>
If I'm not inside<br>
The list of who's died,<br>
I rise, and get on with my day.
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/24/obituaries-4087809/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>My paper I read, come what may.
To find out just who's passed away.
If I'm not inside
The list of who's died,
I rise, and get on with my day.
]]>TAXATIONhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/24/taxation-4087799/2008-04-24T12:44:12+02:00 <p>Each April my tax bill arrives,<br>
Which hardly induces high fives.<br>
This annual "guess"<br>
Brings headache and stress,<br>
As only the richest survive.</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/24/taxation-4087799/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Each April my tax bill arrives,
Which hardly induces high fives.
This annual "guess"
Brings headache and stress,
As only the richest survive.
]]>THE KANGAROOhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/07/the-kangaroo-4009693/2008-04-07T12:42:51+02:00 <p>A kangaroo hopped out of bed,<br>
And hopped off to school, where the Head,<br>
Said "I'm hopping mad,<br>
So stop hopping lad,<br>
Start working, or hop it instead"
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/07/the-kangaroo-4009693/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>A kangaroo hopped out of bed,
And hopped off to school, where the Head,
Said "I'm hopping mad,
So stop hopping lad,
Start working, or hop it instead"
]]>LOS ANGELEShttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/03/los-angeles-3990625/2008-04-03T14:16:05+02:00 <p>L A has no hint of design.<br>
Its seventeen cities combine,<br>
In vast urban sprawl,<br>
On Freeways you crawl,<br>
To nowhere, in one endless line
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/03/los-angeles-3990625/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>L A has no hint of design.
Its seventeen cities combine,
In vast urban sprawl,
On Freeways you crawl,
To nowhere, in one endless line
]]>TAXATIONhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/03/taxation-3990615/2008-04-03T14:13:44+02:00 <p>The tax man demanda all his dues.<br>
You cant pay, so interest accrues.<br>
Though often he's wrong,<br>
If you don't sing his song,<br>
He gets really nasty, and sues.
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/03/taxation-3990615/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>The tax man demanda all his dues.
You cant pay, so interest accrues.
Though often he's wrong,
If you don't sing his song,
He gets really nasty, and sues.
]]>THE EARTHhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/01/the-earth-3979466/2008-04-01T09:06:27+02:00 <p>We live on a fast spinning ball,<br>
With gravity holding us all.<br>
One day, should it stop,<br>
Then off we'd all drop,<br>
With nobody left here at all
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/01/the-earth-3979466/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>We live on a fast spinning ball,
With gravity holding us all.
One day, should it stop,
Then off we'd all drop,
With nobody left here at all
]]>LAS VEGAShttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/01/las-vegas-3979456/2008-04-01T09:03:42+02:00 <p>I went to Las Vegas with cash.<br>
Enough for a bit of a bash.<br>
Roulette went all wrong,<br>
The Dice weren't on song,<br>
And made a big hole in my stash.
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/04/01/las-vegas-3979456/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I went to Las Vegas with cash.
Enough for a bit of a bash.
Roulette went all wrong,
The Dice weren't on song,
And made a big hole in my stash.
]]>LAP DANCERhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/28/lap-dancer-3957705/2008-03-28T15:15:44+01:00 <p>A busty lap dancer named Jill,<br>
Would dance quite demurely, until,<br>
She heard her applause,<br>
Then off came her drawers<br>
To give all the punters a thrill
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/28/lap-dancer-3957705/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>A busty lap dancer named Jill,
Would dance quite demurely, until,
She heard her applause,
Then off came her drawers
To give all the punters a thrill
]]>THE BUS DRIVERhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/28/the-bus-driver-3957692/2008-03-28T15:13:35+01:00 <p>A bus driver once got the chop,<br>
For driving, but failing to stop.<br>
He said on his bus,<br>
He wanted no fuss,<br>
And so wouldn't pick up or drop.
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/28/the-bus-driver-3957692/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>A bus driver once got the chop,
For driving, but failing to stop.
He said on his bus,
He wanted no fuss,
And so wouldn't pick up or drop.
]]>BANKING PROBLEMhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/27/banking-problem-3949769/2008-03-27T11:42:52+01:00 <p>My bank account's always in red,<br>
The manager rang me and said,<br>
That he wouldn't mind,<br>
If I'd be so kind,<br>
As to let them have my cash instead
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/27/banking-problem-3949769/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>My bank account's always in red,
The manager rang me and said,
That he wouldn't mind,
If I'd be so kind,
As to let them have my cash instead
]]>THE LION TAMERhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/27/the-lion-tamer-3949750/2008-03-27T11:39:18+01:00 <p>The top lion tamer, Claude Balls,<br>
Was recently banned from the Halls.<br>
The reason for that.<br>
His most fearsome cat,<br>
Bit lumps off the folks in the stalls.
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/27/the-lion-tamer-3949750/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>The top lion tamer, Claude Balls,
Was recently banned from the Halls.
The reason for that.
His most fearsome cat,
Bit lumps off the folks in the stalls.
]]>MY PChttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/26/my-pc-3942352/2008-03-26T10:42:11+01:00 <p>My PC's a wonderful thing,<br>
The hours of fun it can bring.<br>
I can surf on the net,<br>
Without getting wet,<br>
Then email the Queen and the King
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/26/my-pc-3942352/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>My PC's a wonderful thing,
The hours of fun it can bring.
I can surf on the net,
Without getting wet,
Then email the Queen and the King
]]>THE HOLY SHOEhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/26/the-holy-shoe-3942333/2008-03-26T10:39:59+01:00 <p>I couldn't decide what to do,<br>
Regarding the hole in my shoe.<br>
So I threw both away,<br>
At the end of the day,<br>
No point keeping one of the two.
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/26/the-holy-shoe-3942333/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I couldn't decide what to do,
Regarding the hole in my shoe.
So I threw both away,
At the end of the day,
No point keeping one of the two.
]]>AN AWKWARD CHESThttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/14/an-awkward-chest-3876519/2008-03-14T14:52:39+01:00 <p>I once knew a girl with a chest,<br>
Where one pointed East, and one West.<br>
The problem she had,<br>
When squeezing a lad,<br>
Was keeping them inside her vest.
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/14/an-awkward-chest-3876519/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I once knew a girl with a chest,
Where one pointed East, and one West.
The problem she had,
When squeezing a lad,
Was keeping them inside her vest.
]]>EMOTION AT THE CINEMAhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/14/emotion-at-the-cinema-3876510/2008-03-14T14:50:31+01:00 <p>I never can fathom out why.<br>
Some people in cinemas cry.<br>
Is emotion the key,<br>
Or might it just be<br>
The price if the ice cream they buy?</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/14/emotion-at-the-cinema-3876510/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I never can fathom out why.
Some people in cinemas cry.
Is emotion the key,
Or might it just be
The price if the ice cream they buy?
]]>THE EMBARRASED CONDUCTORhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/13/the-embarrased-conductor-3871623/2008-03-13T15:07:43+01:00 <p>A famous conductor called Walls,<br>
One night in the orchestra stalls,<br>
Was taking applause,<br>
When down fell his drawers,<br>
And everyone saw both his........legs
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/13/the-embarrased-conductor-3871623/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>A famous conductor called Walls,
One night in the orchestra stalls,
Was taking applause,
When down fell his drawers,
And everyone saw both his........legs
]]>OPERAhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/13/opera-3871601/2008-03-13T15:03:12+01:00 <p>Of opera I can't get the hang.<br>
I went there, along with a gang.<br>
When things became hot,<br>
The hero got shot,<br>
But he didn't die, he just sang.
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/13/opera-3871601/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Of opera I can't get the hang.
I went there, along with a gang.
When things became hot,
The hero got shot,
But he didn't die, he just sang.
]]>CAR BOOThttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/12/car-boot-3863332/2008-03-12T12:23:37+01:00 <p>Each weekend, in rain, hail, or snow,<br>
The car boot is where we all go.<br>
We're there before nine,<br>
To be first in line<br>
For the pre-stolen bargains on show.
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/12/car-boot-3863332/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Each weekend, in rain, hail, or snow,
The car boot is where we all go.
We're there before nine,
To be first in line
For the pre-stolen bargains on show.
]]>NUTTY PROFESSORhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/12/nutty-professor-3863312/2008-03-12T12:21:03+01:00 <p>A nutty professor named Fred,<br>
On rising each day from his bed,<br>
And shaking a leg,<br>
Would first kiss his egg,<br>
And then tap his wife on the head.
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/12/nutty-professor-3863312/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>A nutty professor named Fred,
On rising each day from his bed,
And shaking a leg,
Would first kiss his egg,
And then tap his wife on the head.
]]>THE TALLEST GIRAFFEhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/11/the-tallest-giraffe-3856293/2008-03-11T13:40:31+01:00 <p>The tallest giraffe in the herd,<br>
Did something completely absurd.<br>
He lifted his head,<br>
On leaving his bed,<br>
Then yawned, and so swallowed a bird
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/11/the-tallest-giraffe-3856293/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>The tallest giraffe in the herd,
Did something completely absurd.
He lifted his head,
On leaving his bed,
Then yawned, and so swallowed a bird
]]>NO RHYMEhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/11/no-rhyme-3856278/2008-03-11T13:37:09+01:00 <p>I'm having a terrible time,<br>
Can't seem to get Limericks to rhyme.<br>
I always get through<br>
On lines two and one,<br>
But then the whole thing falls apart.
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/11/no-rhyme-3856278/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I'm having a terrible time,
Can't seem to get Limericks to rhyme.
I always get through
On lines two and one,
But then the whole thing falls apart.
]]>MEN ONLYhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/10/men-only-3847613/2008-03-10T09:36:23+01:00 <p>A party I held at my house.<br>
Under suffrance each male brought his spouse.<br>
Most wanted to be<br>
Fellas only,you see,<br>
And it was when I set loose a mouse.
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/10/men-only-3847613/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>A party I held at my house.
Under suffrance each male brought his spouse.
Most wanted to be
Fellas only,you see,
And it was when I set loose a mouse.
]]>MY MARATHONhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/10/my-marathon-3847581/2008-03-10T09:31:44+01:00 <p>I ran in a Marathon race.<br>
(They needed someone for last place)<br>
It started off bad,<br>
Went downhill to sad,<br>
And ended in abject disgrace.</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/10/my-marathon-3847581/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I ran in a Marathon race.
(They needed someone for last place)
It started off bad,
Went downhill to sad,
And ended in abject disgrace.
]]>TOMMYS MONSTERhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/07/tommys-monster-3830677/2008-03-07T13:59:55+01:00 <p>There once was a monster named Fred,<br>
Who lived under young Tommys bed.<br>
For years he lived there,<br>
Midst dust,fluff and hair,<br>
Till one day, young Tom, found him dead.
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/07/tommys-monster-3830677/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>There once was a monster named Fred,
Who lived under young Tommys bed.
For years he lived there,
Midst dust,fluff and hair,
Till one day, young Tom, found him dead.
]]>STAN THE STUDhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/07/stan-the-stud-3830657/2008-03-07T13:57:40+01:00 <p>A really remarkable man,<br>
Is tall dark and hansome young Stan.<br>
Ten women each day,<br>
He has, come what may,<br>
And ten more each night, cos he can!!!</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/07/stan-the-stud-3830657/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>A really remarkable man,
Is tall dark and hansome young Stan.
Ten women each day,
He has, come what may,
And ten more each night, cos he can!!!
]]>MOON HOLIDAYShttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/06/moon-holidays-3823785/2008-03-06T09:46:18+01:00 <p>The holiday brochures, quite soon,<br>
Will offer us trips to the Moon.<br>
And hotels up there,<br>
Will need to prepare,<br>
For lager louts coming in June</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/06/moon-holidays-3823785/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>The holiday brochures, quite soon,
Will offer us trips to the Moon.
And hotels up there,
Will need to prepare,
For lager louts coming in June
]]>MY HEARThttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/04/my-heart-3814116/2008-03-04T08:48:14+01:00 <p>I need a quick word with the Doc.<br>
My heart shouild be going tick tock.<br>
It's going tock tick,<br>
A good deal too quick,<br>
So maybe I've swallowed a clock.
</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/04/my-heart-3814116/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I need a quick word with the Doc.
My heart shouild be going tick tock.
It's going tock tick,
A good deal too quick,
So maybe I've swallowed a clock.
]]>AUSTRALIAhttp://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/04/australia-3814109/2008-03-04T08:46:04+01:00 <p>Australia's a wonderful place.<br>
Or so say the Antipode race.<br>
But if that's a fact,<br>
How come it's not packed,<br>
And there's so much available space?</p>
<p> <small> <a href="http://funverse.blog.co.uk/2008/03/04/australia-3814109/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Australia's a wonderful place.
Or so say the Antipode race.
But if that's a fact,
How come it's not packed,
And there's so much available space?