FUNVERSE

SMALL PAUL

2008-04-29T13:25:58+02:00

A very small fellow named Paul,
Was trying so hard to be tall.
He wanted to grow,
Cos after some snow,
You never could find Paul at all.

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THE CRICKETING CENTIPEDE

2008-04-29T13:21:57+02:00

A centipede went in to bat,
First ball he got out, what a pratt.
Given out leg before,
Leg before, leg before,
Leg before, leg before, so howsthat!!!

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OBITUARIES

2008-04-24T12:47:49+02:00

My paper I read, come what may.
To find out just who's passed away.
If I'm not inside
The list of who's died,
I rise, and get on with my day.

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TAXATION

2008-04-24T12:44:12+02:00

Each April my tax bill arrives,
Which hardly induces high fives.
This annual "guess"
Brings headache and stress,
As only the richest survive.

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THE KANGAROO

2008-04-07T12:42:51+02:00

A kangaroo hopped out of bed,
And hopped off to school, where the Head,
Said "I'm hopping mad,
So stop hopping lad,
Start working, or hop it instead"

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LOS ANGELES

2008-04-03T14:16:05+02:00

L A has no hint of design.
Its seventeen cities combine,
In vast urban sprawl,
On Freeways you crawl,
To nowhere, in one endless line

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TAXATION

2008-04-03T14:13:44+02:00

The tax man demanda all his dues.
You cant pay, so interest accrues.
Though often he's wrong,
If you don't sing his song,
He gets really nasty, and sues.

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THE EARTH

2008-04-01T09:06:27+02:00

We live on a fast spinning ball,
With gravity holding us all.
One day, should it stop,
Then off we'd all drop,
With nobody left here at all

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LAS VEGAS

2008-04-01T09:03:42+02:00

I went to Las Vegas with cash.
Enough for a bit of a bash.
Roulette went all wrong,
The Dice weren't on song,
And made a big hole in my stash.

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LAP DANCER

2008-03-28T15:15:44+01:00

A busty lap dancer named Jill,
Would dance quite demurely, until,
She heard her applause,
Then off came her drawers
To give all the punters a thrill

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THE BUS DRIVER

2008-03-28T15:13:35+01:00

A bus driver once got the chop,
For driving, but failing to stop.
He said on his bus,
He wanted no fuss,
And so wouldn't pick up or drop.

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BANKING PROBLEM

2008-03-27T11:42:52+01:00

My bank account's always in red,
The manager rang me and said,
That he wouldn't mind,
If I'd be so kind,
As to let them have my cash instead

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THE LION TAMER

2008-03-27T11:39:18+01:00

The top lion tamer, Claude Balls,
Was recently banned from the Halls.
The reason for that.
His most fearsome cat,
Bit lumps off the folks in the stalls.

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MY PC

2008-03-26T10:42:11+01:00

My PC's a wonderful thing,
The hours of fun it can bring.
I can surf on the net,
Without getting wet,
Then email the Queen and the King

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THE HOLY SHOE

2008-03-26T10:39:59+01:00

I couldn't decide what to do,
Regarding the hole in my shoe.
So I threw both away,
At the end of the day,
No point keeping one of the two.

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AN AWKWARD CHEST

2008-03-14T14:52:39+01:00

I once knew a girl with a chest,
Where one pointed East, and one West.
The problem she had,
When squeezing a lad,
Was keeping them inside her vest.

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EMOTION AT THE CINEMA

2008-03-14T14:50:31+01:00

I never can fathom out why.
Some people in cinemas cry.
Is emotion the key,
Or might it just be
The price if the ice cream they buy?

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THE EMBARRASED CONDUCTOR

2008-03-13T15:07:43+01:00

A famous conductor called Walls,
One night in the orchestra stalls,
Was taking applause,
When down fell his drawers,
And everyone saw both his........legs

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OPERA

2008-03-13T15:03:12+01:00

Of opera I can't get the hang.
I went there, along with a gang.
When things became hot,
The hero got shot,
But he didn't die, he just sang.

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CAR BOOT

2008-03-12T12:23:37+01:00

Each weekend, in rain, hail, or snow,
The car boot is where we all go.
We're there before nine,
To be first in line
For the pre-stolen bargains on show.

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NUTTY PROFESSOR

2008-03-12T12:21:03+01:00

A nutty professor named Fred,
On rising each day from his bed,
And shaking a leg,
Would first kiss his egg,
And then tap his wife on the head.

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THE TALLEST GIRAFFE

2008-03-11T13:40:31+01:00

The tallest giraffe in the herd,
Did something completely absurd.
He lifted his head,
On leaving his bed,
Then yawned, and so swallowed a bird

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NO RHYME

2008-03-11T13:37:09+01:00

I'm having a terrible time,
Can't seem to get Limericks to rhyme.
I always get through
On lines two and one,
But then the whole thing falls apart.

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MEN ONLY

2008-03-10T09:36:23+01:00

A party I held at my house.
Under suffrance each male brought his spouse.
Most wanted to be
Fellas only,you see,
And it was when I set loose a mouse.

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MY MARATHON

2008-03-10T09:31:44+01:00

I ran in a Marathon race.
(They needed someone for last place)
It started off bad,
Went downhill to sad,
And ended in abject disgrace.

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TOMMYS MONSTER

2008-03-07T13:59:55+01:00

There once was a monster named Fred,
Who lived under young Tommys bed.
For years he lived there,
Midst dust,fluff and hair,
Till one day, young Tom, found him dead.

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STAN THE STUD

2008-03-07T13:57:40+01:00

A really remarkable man,
Is tall dark and hansome young Stan.
Ten women each day,
He has, come what may,
And ten more each night, cos he can!!!

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MOON HOLIDAYS

2008-03-06T09:46:18+01:00

The holiday brochures, quite soon,
Will offer us trips to the Moon.
And hotels up there,
Will need to prepare,
For lager louts coming in June

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MY HEART

2008-03-04T08:48:14+01:00

I need a quick word with the Doc.
My heart shouild be going tick tock.
It's going tock tick,
A good deal too quick,
So maybe I've swallowed a clock.

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AUSTRALIA

2008-03-04T08:46:04+01:00

Australia's a wonderful place.
Or so say the Antipode race.
But if that's a fact,
How come it's not packed,
And there's so much available space?

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